i get so depressed and tired i think it would be so much easier if i just fit in. if liked what everyone else liked. if i did what “normal” people do. i’m tired of people lonely, of people thinking i’m weird. i’m just tired. then i get so angry and ashamed of myself for thinking those things because ultimately i like me. and i have always felt that you should never have to change yourself to fit into someone else’s standards. i just don’t understand why other people can’t accept that. i think a lot of people think i am judgmental because i don’t choose to do the same things they do or because i tend to be really quiet in crowds or around people i don’t know. i’m not a joiner by any means. i usually do what i want and not care if everyone else is doing it too. i don’t know how to make people understand that i’m not judgmental. even if i choose not to do things like drink, smoke, or do drugs doesn’t mean i care if you do it. if you’re doing drugs i probably won’t stick around just because it’s not something i feel comfortable being around but i understand it is your choice to do it. i’m not going to dislike you or judge you for that. and i have no problem being around people who drink and smoke. just please don’t assume i will always be your DD. someone told me once that it was my responsibility to be DD because i chose not to drink. i don’t drink because i don’t like the taste of any alcohol i have ever tried. in what world does that suddenly make everyone else my responsibility? i would never want anything to happen to any of my friends but what kind of friend just assumes that i’m going to drive everyone home just because i happen to be sober? i don’t smoke because someone i loved died from it and it has just never really appealed to me anyway. i don’t do drugs because i have seen someone’s family ruined from someone who got hooked on drugs. and please don’t tell me weed is harmless. that is what that person started with. i know it doesn’t mean these things will happen to everyone who smokes or does drugs but i don’t think it is worth loosing everything i love over. i don’t know. sometimes i feel so naive. like i’m an idiot for thinking this way. like everyone else has it figured out and i’m just too stubborn to see. maybe i should just give in and become “normal.”?